my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
