We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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