I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
