Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
