If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
