I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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