I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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