if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
