just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
