it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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