What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
