Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
