Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
