just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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