Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
