you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
