I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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