I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
