im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
