I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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