when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
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this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
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Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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