It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
