Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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