I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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