If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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