Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
