i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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