i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
