I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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