You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
