i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize