Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
