You're my little dorito
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
