the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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