So drunk, too bad you don't want this
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
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After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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