when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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