Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
