i don't like sucking hair
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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