just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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