Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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