I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
