I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
