May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
