hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
