I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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