We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
