You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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