Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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