So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
