Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
