they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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