I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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