Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
