omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
