And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
