i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
