i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
