Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you traded sex for a burrito?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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