He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
