Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
