so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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