I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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