lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
