Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
