he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
