i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So. Much. Porn.
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