Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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