Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
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I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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