if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
