I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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